Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Capturing This Moment

Life could not have been better. My room is an utter mess. I am moving to a whole new world in 2 days. I feel like I could stop yesterday's moments. The time with a special person would not rather wait. I sort of feel like my brain fell out of my head. . . and I keep running in to her room since I reached my flat and jumping up and down and chattering away like I'm a freaking 16 year-old . . .and then I try to climb in my bed but I end up wiggling around shooting light beams out of all the orifices in my face. . .and then I finally calm down, enough to relax under the covers and let my mind ruminate . . . and I just smile.  

I just wanted to Thank YOU.

A full-teeth, cheek-stretching, eye-scrunching grin.

This is going to be a happy time.May Be. No matter what the distance is.May Be.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Sunday Morning & Happenings...!

So, Howdy People..!! It's Sunday. I Kind of worked late last night and woke up earlier. I have been thoroughly happy. Talking about being happy this morning we had a major topic of conversation.As in total far-fetched situation, we started talking about the most awkward moments of our lives and there we were rolling on floor laughing out loudly.

Awkward Story #1:

That was probably during my class 5 summer vacation. Cause on a working day I did not go to school.I was staring at TV whole day. My father was lying on the floor calculating something with some diaries around. Our main door was open and Ma was in the kitchen probably. Suddenly one fine lady opened the main gate of ours and I was peeping through the main-door curtain which I was doing by sitting on the sofa. She though looked unknown to me but with we-are-very-known-and-broad-smile kinda look she entered our home.In fact holding a big leaf in her hand. And crossing me in the dining room she approached to my father and told "Mr Sarangi, As you know you and me(we) are getting married this saturday, I have come here to invite you to our wedding party.Do come."(Of course in Oriya she told all these & Ran away like the same way she came).Ma & I were standing there around father gaping at him. With 2-3 minutes of figuring out what exactly happened, We all started laughing for like hours & hours. Mad People Amaze Us Most Of The Times .

Awkward Story #2:

Just couple of months ago,I requested for a cab facility to avail as I started working in second shift.My roommate who was supposed to go with my cab has moved temporarily to another location and so she could not join me in.So some other office friend was coming over to my apartment to pick me up.She said she was gonna bring another friend near by, and then we'd go together to office.  I had never seen that cab before, so I told her to call me when she got to my place.The text came:  "I'm here!"  I went out front and a little white car was parked in front of my apartment.It was already shiny & reflecting outside so I couldn't see through the windows.I just went and jumped in the backseat and dropped my bag near by.There, I found the a kid at the front seat started crying abruptly.Suddenly I jumped out of the car.And looked around.

She was parked behind the car with her head out the window laughing at me. 

Awkward Story #3 (Last one.. I could go on forever)

At the end year of college, all 6 of us girls decided to go to stay in one apartment for preparing for some exams.We were searching for apartments in Bhubaneswar. We went to one apartment complex with huge living room windows!  We thought that that would be a great place to live, so we walked inside the complex to check it out.  All of us girls walked up to the large window of an apartment, cupped our hands to our faces, and peered in through the doors. 

Turns out.. that apartment we decided to look into had their living room set up with their tv up against the window and a couch in front of it directly facing the tv (and naturally, the window).  And it just so happened that the couch (and living room) was full of people watching a movie.  And there we are, peering in through their living room window and making the most awkward eye contact with all of them.  

Immediately, all of us took off running without a second thought.We were completely out of the complex,across the parking lot,and halfway across the street before we realized what had happpened,so we sat down in the middle of the road and just laughed and laughed.

Adding on to some more situations it would be like, I once got into a toy car of my aunt's son,which had a closed case,just the doors were big.I was in class 6 then. I got stucked in there.And that took 20 minutes for my Ma to take me out of that small toy Car in front of all cousins.

Friday, December 14, 2012

It Could Be Your Voice Too..!!

While I opened my mouth & said that "No Problem and I will do it."Two of those new people started laughing.With What-Kind-of-accent-is-that-LOOK.And I saw that look. I saw that look a lot at lots of people's faces. And So I thought I could write it down here.

When I was in school days, I almost was about to participate in a Inter-School-Competition.I stood next to a girl that sang so loudly that sometimes I plugged my ears. Although,I tried to pretend I just had really itchy ears so she wouldn't take it personally.

Although I had deep interest in school debate and ex-tempore competitions.People  Actually,would appreciate at times and made me the winner and at times have mocked at me that my voice never touched my epiglottitis.I was a quiet singer.I wasn't even really a singer  -- I just thought I could do it better than my sister who really have herself a soothing voice.I do that sometimes.Try for the things at first place and then give up.Anyway, Now,The girl next to me was loud enough for the both of us anyways.What did my voice matter?

Well,one day,our teacher decided every person in the class needed to sing a solo. We would go down each row, and the next person would sing the next line of the song. Crap.I had been too busy "scratching" my ears and folding my sheet music into a fortune teller.  . . . I couldn't sing!!My Song was "HIND DESH KE NIWASI SABHI JAN EK HAI..."!!

We started our activity and everything was flowing smoothly.From the top,row to row,probably around 30 students.I was nervous.Finally,our row was up and the person at the end began a new verse.The megaphone girl sang.Then it was my turn.I sang my part so softly that I'm not sure I even heard myself.The person next to me was drawing in a breath to start their line when...  

My teacher stopped the class.

I was mortified.  

"Swagatika, will you please come down to the front of the class for a second."

I'm so awful that I'm the only person to have to sing again . . . I wish I could die on demand.

I walked to the front of the class thinking she was going to kick me out.I imagined her saying,"It's a tough musical world out there, and some people just can't make it.Not even in a 7th grade competition that is open to any student. . . I think you would be better.... elsewhere.Maybe the band will take you."

She had her arm extended as an invitation for me to come right up next to her.She put her arm around my shoulder and held me tightly facing the entire class.I stared at the carpet in front of me and tried to humor myself be saying the carpet looked like vomit anyways,so I would gladly take my stuff and leave.

I braced myself for all the words and fears I imagined were about to come out of her mouth.  She began to tell the class about the strength of some singers,that some people are naturally gifted with power in their voices,and many people come as natural, magnificent singers.(Except for this young child... My knees were shaking waiting for the final punch line.  C'mon woman,yank off the band-aid a little faster).

"Except others have more gentle and serene voices, and these voices can really unify a choir and make it sound as one. Swagatika,[as she pulls me closer],is probably the quietest person in the whole class.I want to highlight her for a moment to say that even as one of the quietest people, she has one of the strongest voices."
WHAT??  I think I just coughed a little.


My whole life, I have believed myself to have a quiet and low-pitched or may be a creepy voice.  

I don't mean that I speak or sing at a light decibel [Although I guess that is true too].But in a setting where stories, ideas, and opinions are being shared,I am more comfortable as a preacher.I come from a quiet family.My Parents work and come back to home and make dinner and silently eat at the table and then go to sleep silently.Though I pretend to be an extrovert I am a default introvert.

Yet, the inside of my head doesn't seem so quiet.It never has been.I talk with my mom for hours and hours every week, and she's constantly telling me to write all my theories and funny stories out in a book.When I get really comfortable with someone or I'm in my element, I just go -- stories, jokes, thoughts, and people ask, "Why aren't you like this all the time?"
I don't know!!

I've questioned myself about this hundreds of times, trying to psycho-analyze the cause of my suppressions. Do I think my stories aren't as funny? That I don't deliver my thoughts as eloquently?That others have "more powerful" voices than I do?Why don't I have more confidence with my voice? It got started in standard 4,while after holding the mike in my hand the very first line of the ex-tempore competition was "Oh My God, My Voice is gonna shiver." In front of almost 8 school teachers & thousand of those students.And all started laughing at me.That could have been the worst day of my life.But I came over.It's Okay.

Well,Really It's fine.I am over with it.Or may be I have accepted it the way it is.And I am telling you,I am fine with that look,You People.After all It's just a voice of any random person and It could do charms at times.May Be.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Oh, The Places You'll Go!

I will do ANYTHING besides preparing to pack my bag.

Did I tell you, I am moving! After a year trial my destination is defined. I am going to do my Masters in Information Systems & Operations Management at University Of Florida. And today happened to be the day, My Visa got delivered to my home.

And not so very surprisingly I am not happy. Just not happy. I knew it was about to happen. Anytime before I used to fancy Dr. Seuss telling "Oh the places you'll go".. and new people and lots of new things to learn and life moving on. It was enchanting of course. Till the time today. Suddenly ,but slowly, I have developed that fear inside me. Fear of moving away from everything in my very own country, office, flat and home & people. That word "change" is not so very easy to adhere to. Being on your own completely,in a small world and trying onto your goals was certainly so inspiring and when the goal is just some days away, I feel terribly alone.

I would rather clean my room, do the dishes, get amrita's mehndi done, look up old hindi movie videos on youtube, take my vitamins, fold laundry, sit on my bed, blog, watch my micromax bling charge, make a copy, quote movies, eat dark chocolate,sit in the cafeteria for hours, talking to near and dear ones about nothing valuable, eat chicken rolls every now and then, click a pen,stare at malgudi days book, lay on the floor, office swimming pool photo shoot, dream of swimming, and waiting to swim tomorrow after a long gap,drink coffee, stare out the window, talk to roomies about crushes, practice, do my hair, clip my nails, sort c.d.s, dust a shelf, read a book, read the paper, or talk to myself...

ANYTHING. Just as long as I don't have to do my packing.It bothers a lot.
Procrastination defines me. But alas, People have to move on...Neither Time waits for anybody nor I am a kiddo who is going to drop the plan forever. It has to work out. So off I go.
Hope my little life has something good to be unfolded.

Prayers! And prayers for all those who hold on to things till they get it done.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Three Little Words: You've Got Mail

I eat,drink,breathe and live on the movie called You've Got Mail. I mean it's totally a parasitical relationship.I wish I could take credit for what I am about to write, but I can't; Hollywood can however, but I would like to assure you that had I been born with brilliance or eloquence, I would have said this all a long time ago.
I am writing this simply because every time I see this movie, I can't help but think: I am Kathleen Kelly. Her lines speak from my heart.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void."

"I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings..."

"No. No, but... but there's the dream of someone else. "

"People always say that change is a good thing, but what it really means is that something that you didn't want to happen, has happened."

"What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me...And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?...Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."

"I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you."

"When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does."

"I'm completely jealous. When I'm confronted by someone I get tongue tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning over what I should have said."

And this is one of those best scenes.

It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees. Do you know that Joni Mitchell song? I wish I had a river I could skid away on. Such a sad song. And not really about Christmas at all, but I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree; unwrapping funky ornaments made of popsicle sticks and missing my mother so much I almost couldn’t breathe. I always miss my mother at Christmas, but somehow it is worse this year since I need some advice from her. I need her to make me some cocoa and tell me that everything that’s going badly in my life will sort itself out.

Oh, how I love this movie.