Wednesday, December 9, 2009


The post thought of a well-done-job which gives me an abstract feeling of joie de vivre and the ultimate sin, is something that completes me. Sounds unscrupulous. But that’s what my self-realisation.ADMIRE it or ABUSE it…I do not know how far it is going along with the conventional path. But that’s the feeling…the feel (one can call it visualization) of SALVATION.

Starting from the memorable it the days of accolades/awards or be it the days of failures, there is a purified “happiness and obsession”. Purified obsession...Yeah.That it is. EUPHEMISM….I must tell you the days when I surrender to my failure accepting it and the same time smiling, congratulating at the victory of my opponents. And I (was and am) sure of it, that there was no ambiguity in those feelings (then and now).I did not find me guilty, when I was reassuring a friend of mine telling her about the skeleton version of those “A FEW GOOD PEOPLE”.I should not have said that I did not blame them. But I am saying,” Yes, I did.” Listen, I poisoned some out of you readers in front of a depressed friend of mine to get out of her some sin. And then again in the next morning when I saw her in the library corridor singing happily “Jeevan Maraa Nahi Karta Hai…”
….HOLD ON! This is the place where I got salvation in those (“Bitching and extolling…bad/good as we people call it”).I would like to say both are amazing. They make me reach the penultimate conscious level of a blank….the place where the soul desires/deserves/denies or feel nothing. It is like the distance between any two points on the perimeter of the circle which seems to be straight. And as the centre demands the point to be with it, it agrees with the radius.

The golden days of helping a blind to cross the road, to visit the orphanage just to spend some quality time, the street in the winter where me and my buddy used to go to see those cute puppies, the father in the church who used to teach us some morals and (then again the silly bickering, disrespect to seniors at some points, denying to accept my gurus seeing some silly mistakes in them, demoralizing anything important)…EVERYTHING…..THE GOOD and THE BAD, hold salvation in the moment, called the “TRANSIT PERIOD”. Call it milliseconds or microseconds of that realization where my consciousness was a constant irrespective of anything in the world. If I can collect those moments all together...I can be the enlightened diva. But then again I’m a variable going along with other variables making rounds and rounds on a circle aiming to be ended up at the point where I’ve started exactly. People bicker over comparing the quality and period of the radius without considering the centre. I am one of them.
But I promise I will get it all free from awards and purgatorial sanctification after my death…!

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