"Asked the boss if she was pregnant.No.She was just fat" Moment

So today,It's just happened to be like hell of a day.(I was told that,it would be just sort of call.No meeting & No techies.)Well, to clear it up, I got a text message from my consultancy that these people are just in need of people who got good communication skill.Other than the fact that I have been changing my technology and piling up my resume,I still had no idea,why do I have to show off my communication skills.Do they sell anyway?So I have had a call set up and so far everything was going well until we got to this part of the conversation:

Boss: So, basically that's it. If we were to start training you, would you be available?

Me: Uhmmm... when would the training begin?

Boss: 2 months after.Would you be available to start then?

Me: Hmmm... Actually I still have to discuss this with my parents, because me and my mum are currently setting up this business so... *awkward smile* ... Is it possible for me to just go for the next training available?... *fiddling with fingers*...  I mean... I am really interested, but I also wanna think about it first, and if the training is 2 months after,that really doesn't give me much time to think about jumping out of my current stuff... 

[Don't know why I just did that.]

Boss: * disapproving voices with various ahems*

Thinking to myself that I CANNOT believe I just blurted that out loud (stuff like that should remain inside your head) I tried to save myself from that awkward situation... but to no avail.

Me: ... I mean... I don't mean to reject this job right away.I still am looking forward to.May be couple of months later.( Obviously too late for that... )

So after that,it seemed like she was concerned because it seems like there are a lot of issues with me, that might affect with the way I work for them in the future. In other words, you just fucked with your chances right there. 

Uuuugggh *facepalm* *headdesk*.So there you have it, If you want to ruin your chances of getting a bit more cash, these are the things you might want to say to your employer..

And oh, that's not the EXACT conversation we had, but it's the best interpretation that I could make out of that experience.


Did you remember the "what baby" scene ?

Happy Sunday Guys.

Bytheway By The Way

With expectations & inquisitive mind,I started my day.It was set to be Bon Iver day.And he was into 
"...and at once I knew I was not magnificent
High above the highway aisle
(Jagged vacance, thick with ice)
I could see for miles, miles, miles"

I started pondering,at once he was not magnificent.And I again thought,When was the last time at least I was considered to be magnificent?There I have had the very first thought of skimming the audio books.Because it sounded totally like me.Like "How to be totally Miserable".


Ha,I am sure this has already proved me a far-fetched-entity.Well go on then.I have been listening to this book all over by the way while going and coming back from office written by Bytheway.There how did I sound?! His Name is John Glenn Bytheway. 

This book is "reverse psychology" at its best.It's about how to be happy,not in that Shiv Khera way but in an entertaining way.I think sometimes it helps also recognise the things we do that take us in the opposite direction.You know what does the Oxymoron do?It actually shows us how two opposite thing together get along  & which one to focus on.Likewise,here by pointing out the things that will make us miserable, we might find ourselves going "oops,I guess I do that sometimes...".It can help sometimes to recognise our bad habits before we try to develop the good ones.

John Bytheway aims to be as entertaining as possible in writing this book,and it seems to be aimed mainly at teenagers.He uses word play and alliteration quite a lot.The book is broken up into short segments on each point of "advice".The headings of such segments include: 

Think about your problems

Relive bad memories

Hold onto grudges

Don't set goals

Be a breath of stale air

Believe that things will never change

Be easily offended

(the list goes on...)

In each segment he gives the advice on how to be miserable, but he also warns against and points out the opposite things, which will actually make us happy!So being well informed,we are able to make our choice:Do I want to be miserable, or happy?

Here's an example of the writing style:

To be miserable, don't set goals.  If you're trying to be miserable, it's important that you don't have any goals.  No school goals, personal goals, seminary goals, or family goals.  With nothing to shoot for, your life is shot.  Your only objective each day should be inhale and exhale for sixteen hours before you go to bed again.  Don't read anything informative, don't listen to anything useful, don't do anything productive.  If you start achieving goals, you might start to feel a sense of excitement, and then you might want to set another goal!  And then your miserable mornings are through.  To maintain your misery, the idea of crossing off your goals should never cross your mind.

In the audio book,his tone of jest clearly highlights the fact that he really means the opposite, and it is a light-hearted way of reminding ourselves that there are many  things we can do to choose to be happy.

PS: Now that I listened to Holocene & How to be totally Miserable both,I pretty much summed up my Miser-ability was sort of holocene.Yikes,I am surely So far-fetched.

Oh,to the Dementors & Zombies we go.

It was just one of those days.You know what I meant.They suck.Like so much you feel you're no more alive.I slept in the bus.Pretty lazy day.But that cold effect has started.All chilled around.And with chilled weather you know what comes? Depression. Yes.Like they kill each other in Minnesota.The Twin city,the chilled weather and the killers.So when I slept,it was drizzling.Like drizzling drizzling.Real world.And rain drops all over my glasses.And there I went to the zombies.To the Dementors & Zombies,we go.Then some chain of slaughters with T-virus.All are dead with dead drop silence.I knew it was going to be over,over around after 5 minutes.They will wake up to quench the hunger.And the bus door opened and I see....They are all around.With that zombie walk.And when I woke up,it was all settled.I asked myself why this has been happening to me?I have just been in a funk.Is it seasonal depression? Here's how I talked to her.
Me: There's something wrong with me.
Dipika: No,there's nothing wrong with you Jazz.
Me:No, but why did I dream that.
Dipika: Jazz,you're being dumb.You're in funk and you need to buck up & get over it.
Me: But ...there is something wrong with me.
Dipika: Pagal ho gayi ho tum !! *annoyance*

There,the voices coming out of headphones,

"Cold wind blows into the skin.

Can't believe the state you're in"

It was Jose Gonzalez.On normal days I prefer his songs.They are soothing & super-visionary.Today I found out his lyrics were scaring the guts out of me.

Twitterpated

You remember that scene from Bambi? The act of being "Twitterpated" ? Well,treat yourself.

Flower: [about two birds fluttering around] Well! What's the matter with them? 
Thumper: Why are they acting that way? 
Friend Owl: Why, don't you know? They're twitterpated. 
Flower, Thumper, Bambi: Twitterpated? 
Friend Owl: Yes. Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example: You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head! 
Thumper: Gosh, that's awful. 
Flower: Gee whiz. 
Bambi: Terrible! 
Friend Owl: And that ain't all. It could happen to anyone, so you'd better be careful. 
[points at Bambi] 
Friend Owl: It could happen to you... 
[points at Thumper] 
Friend Owl: ...and you, and... 
[Flower looks at Owl shyly] 
Friend Owl: Yes, it could even happen to you! 
Thumper: Well, it's not gonna happen to me. 
Bambi: Me neither. 
Flower: Me neither. 

Me neither.This had been just one time.It just rained heartily while we returned from office.Dr. Seuss is in my mind all day.And so happiness.Life could not be much better.And I am all smiles.Happy-Soul.

Time Without Consequence

Did you ever read the book "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"?The point of asking this is,if by any coincidence,You guys can catch what does it feel like when you live with a Huck Finn-Y feel.'Cause this is what the post is going to be or as in point blank,I AM BEING HUCK FINN-Y.That carefree life,freed from all schedules and jumping right ahead into an adventurous place,everything about non-ruled life.Now.How does that sound?Like real untethered.


I was swimming there and the water was that lucid that I almost could have counted how many number of bubbles are coming out after every breathing of mine.But I did not do.Inside water you tend to think a lot.Real lot.And then is when this latest read book thingy popped up in my mind.What if I leave my job and go for something adventurous things.Like I know these sort of thoughts hit me every now & then,but that does not mean,I am not adoring my current life.I totally do.This was as if just some Occasional-Houdini's-Escapisms-Sorta-Thoughts that attacks me.Great,let's truce out now.I,right at this moment discovered that I have Houdini's Syndrome.More or less,people of our age,all of them suffer with this.That feel of starting new & fresh,every second and dropping the current thing unfinished.Refer to my earlier post on Procrastination & you can say I am so full of this.The past couple of days have been so busy that I barely can do things I want to do.Well,I have been blogging everyday,then what more time I may need to do? The thing is,I wake up,make my lunch-dinner,go to office and then work and come back and sleep.This routine and all of the things defined in life makes it so mundane.I want it all sparkled and every moment should make me think of what is it at the next moment.That feel,when you do know life has this bunch of new candies and specially with different flavors,make it just enchanting.Anyway.These are just thoughts.Nothing is going to change in neither mine nor Alexi murdoch's life.For as long as he'd come up with Blue Mind song.
Time:12.52 PM.
Days Summary In Short:Woke up at 8 Am.Did some documentation.Made coffee and Dimer Devil(Bengali Dish).Decluttering as another week's ahead.Watched an episode of Satyamev Jayate.Cooked Lunch.Had lunch.Documentation till 5 PM.Talked to very old friend after dozens of days.Went for shopping Vegetables for the week.Back Up's done.Went for swimming.Some 20-ish laps at a go.I am yet to improve.Made it to friend's place and had group dinner.Came back at 11.30pm.Wonder how routine-d it's gonna be since tomorrow again.
 Alexi Murdoch's blue mind is in sync with mine.And we both sing,

"Got no time

Got no mind

For the line

In my life

No time to think

Time for sleep now

Time to sink way into the blue, dear"

Alexi Murdoch is both Nick Drake-y & Jack Johnson-y.His lyrical work is simple,yet always feels genuine.The album is a wonderful lazy summer album. The song-writing is superb and his voice envelops you in a way that diminishes your care in the things that are wrong.Orange Sky & All my days are the ones you can live/die listening to.

Was That Buddhism..!

 I have had strange-meaningless dreams.Not that school-going-aspiration kind of dreams, the zonked-out-in-my-bed-at-night-or-day kind of dreams (Duh, everyone does.) I won’t claim I’m unique in this, people.

But still this one was a big holler.I just don't know where on earth they appear out of.I have heard this theory. When you’re asleep, your brain is sorting out all your thoughts and experiences, and categorizing them. Based on this theory, I imagine my mind as ... a dresser. With drawers. Or maybe more like a circular room with ... circular drawers? And something ... my brain, I guess, is sorting through my brain drawers and being all  like “What is this thing doing in the sock drawer?” (Not that my thoughts are socks. Let’s clarify that. My thoughts are not socks).  

Sometimes I try not applying  theories (embellished by my imagination) to my strange dreams. It does not always work, but sometimes I can trace separate parts of my dream back to real events and thoughts that happened in the daytime. It’s sort of like interpreting dreams. Except this one. 

    

So what I dreamed that I am getting a Buddha Tattoo on my right arm.And machine keeps roaring & I am still asleep.I mean for what heavens in the world I would be getting another tattoo!And as the dream went on I found to my surprise,there was this festival going on near my home.That was why all the buzz.I mean wake up already,Stupid-head!No one cared if you get a tattoo for some divinity in your head.When back home Ma asked "why another tattoo?!".Seemed like I have already set this answer pre-defined.That the rule was "All that we are arises with our thoughts.With our thoughts we make the world."So when my thoughts lead to the Buddhism,to persist it I would have to get a Buddha tattoo.Pointless.I know,right.But who said dreams are always have to be meaningful.Did I before?Well,I was just being another of those schmuck-head.Hold on.That's not it.Second verse,We were all gathered singing buddham saranam gacchami With Papa's strict voice.He always make it all async with his grumpy voice in our prayers.

Ahem.Pardon me for layers & layers of hypocrisy in my dreams.

Just a passing by thought: Earlier in the morning while I was catching up You've got mail moments,I kinda found to my surprise my father's voice & a-synchronicity did match with Greg Kinnear.He did bungle the rhythm always.Quote,quote :

The horn, the horn,

The horn sounds so forlorn..

Happy Sunday People.