LE CHALE...

It's a great evening.I have been waiting for this day from last two weeks.Somebody promised me to come home today.But who remembers the promise made in this century!I am missing those moments for what i have been planning like anything.But the promise is shifted to the next week.Lets see.

This is one of the best song of mine and i want to dedicate it to you.I MISS YOU SIS!

Chaandni muskuraaye

jab hawa kuchh kahe

samjho meri sadayein

hain tere saath mein

jo ghana ho phiza mein andhera

laayenge hum saverey tere liye

LE CHALE LE CHALE

yaadon ke ye kaaphile

jaayenge hum jahan

ye zameen aasmaan mile

Narm boondon ki rimjhim

pehli baarish ke din

dopeher garmiyon ki

shaamein woh sard si

rut koi koi mausam koi ghadi
oo ho ho oo
saath mein hum ko hardum tum paaog

LE CHALE LE CHALE...

Jab kabhi zindagani

tujhko tanha lage

jab kabhi ashq aayein

dil tumhara bujhe

jab kabhi chain khoye ho pareshaan

dekhlo hum wahi hai tere saamne

LE CHALE LE CHALE

yaadon ke ye kaaphile

jaayenge hum jahan

ye zameen aasmaan mile

LE CHALE LE CHALE......

SOOO GAY!!!

It is 12.31pm,Tuesday 19 Jan.I just checked all the details on my cell phone.The state around me...as if its running now.I am visualising the flower plants are responding to the breeze.The SUN is not that rude.It's completely a quiet melee as i look across the window(only except those diminished generator and vehicle sound far away!).The sky ..ehh it's completely lucid.The sunrays are trying their best,pulling themselves to the optimum range to touch the newspapers,magazines,diary,spec on my bed.But see there stands the window rods which is against their unity,making dark patches among them and so on the window dimensions even.Hey welcome!Here comes a crow and a bee all together.The crow is gazing around and inside through the window with it's immaculate movement.And it just flew away to another place again to gaze and in search of bacterias.And :(((...(I am using Bachi karkaria's suggestion to use double emoticons for an intensified expression.).It is cause i could not catch up the bee with it's activities,as was busy with the crow.It went being ignored.My eyes are again transfixed on the plant movement....But i have to write'em all..Have to capture this solely feeling all at a go.Ants!Wait!Uncountable ants are all ga-ga along with their life and the queue on the boundary wall.Where they are coming from and where they are leading to-to investigate that i just get to need more couple of hours.There is a spider web on that tree.But supposedly the spider has gone somewhere to get something.[MAY BE!!]And right now i can watch the white rose turning it's direction towards the window side.Here comes a dry leaf suddenly fallen down making rounds and rounds around it.Lots of things are happening here.And again here on my bed some alphabets in an arranged way reading themselves "WHAT IS DIGITAL CLEANSE?"..."GANESHA SAYS..BEJAN DARUWALLA"..."MY PERSONAL DIARY"(i am scribbling the thoughts of 19th jan on "JANUARY 12 TUESDAY" page!)."what have i been doing those days then?"..How can i capture them back?Using my sense i can say "Millions of things are happening around me.The time is on high speed.But then i have to feel all the things those come by and pass by,through my primitive privilege"....A mosquito came...making sounds..MMMMMMMMMMMMM..........

I DREAMT OF.....:)

Has anybody of you remembered any of your childhood dream or passion to be like an actor/pilot/photographer/chef/miss world etc etc?Yeah those were quite outrageous!But as the time flew away we had to forget all of them being trained to be a rat going along with what our parents/society demands in a conventional way!
Well,here goes my secret childhood as it continues in some corner of my mind,heart and vision!I always dreamt of being an anchor-interviewer-journalist-writer-photographer-psychiatrist.But i never wanted to be a doctor.Are they still providing any kind of job which combines all the above categorises?I was often addicted of knowing about lots of personality.I remember those redcross,NCC camps,interschool compititions where i would be like interacting with lots of friends and trying to make their silhouettes.My friend circle was of a huge bunch,those i forgot most of them as the time passed.:(.I remember how wild this passion was.It started somewhere near between class V and VI.Was a die-hard fan of Aamir khan.Starting from collecting his photos,biography to those statements what he had made before any paparazzo(of my category.).I dreamt of lots and lots of taking his interview along with Reena(And now it is Kiran.I love her creativity sense..:)).Then the next morning i would bug and bore my sis describing each and every scene including some added innovative successful climax of my own.After all who would like to listen some incomplete/failed story!!Well,i remembered those inspiring dialogues of aamir while he was buckling up for a marathon(in my dream ofcourse,i being the interviewer!:) )And when next morning didi asked "Where was i in your dream?".."Just right next to aamir!"..I retorted!She completed her remark "As you have seen in the early morning time,it's gonna happen.Wait and watch dear!".HAHA.Poor sis.:P.I could smell one soul being completely satisfied though!Then came the struggling life/reality as we call it.Believe me,most of the time after my schooling i almost forgot those dreams,but i am not able to realise the reality yet.As the days are passing i am recalling the days and those dreams (like with aamir,[like with nandita das-one of my role model..i simply adore her irrespective of anything],like with rahul bose,corrs,barkha,homi jahangir bhaba,atal bihari bajpayeeji(in one dream i saw him as my grandpa..:)And the list went on!) and reading out the interviews being taken by somebodyelse.Making me nostalgic...But then the fake engineer would scream out of my soul"C'MMOONN! Give yourself a break.Your sweetest sis cann't ever be wrong.You are on a waiting list!!!"...HUM KHUSH HUYEIN!!...The imaginary "I" would say then...:)..

I WISH IF I GET THOSE DAYS BACK!

I wish if i get those days back...While getting up a sunny,bright morning i'll tell FULTU "Idiot,get up!" And then she would be like so hurry in everything as if the time is running.We would get our breakfast by 8am and would run across NH42 to investigate whether jesus's been woken up for us or not.Those small curvy ups-and-downs through the hilly street and while going through them we both would scream"RU-BA-RU.,...ROSHNI..HEYYY!!".We both were of the-giving-damn-attitude to the hostel rules and along with that the fundamental demands of the society.Then it comes the church gate,the-again-narrow-street leading to it,the beautiful tulip flowers,at last the father strolling there with mouth full of smile.Each time we would see jesus's woken up before us..:).A maximum of 15 minutes of silence would prevail over there.Then the signal would come up for a new hang out area.As we leave the place,one of us would discover "the other way" to reach the hostel.In fact the mission is to miss the class by showing others that we are late!!Henceforth the mission discovery would continue for the next couple of hours along those dhenku paths..So we prove ourself by being late.Again those insti cafeteria moments would be calling us.Specially the staircase behind the cafeteria is just amazing.We both prefer to be there as we don't like the crowd inside it.Sipping some cola discussing all the issues of the country as if we are into the presidential posts...:)..And when again we coincide we would scream again.."RU-BA-RU.....ROSHNI..HEYYY!!"...sigh!!

FREEDOM!

While I was in class1, I remember one incident vividly.
May be it's because the kind of occurrence is tautological till now.
And as I’ve been here and now since then I feel like somehow, some of the things are related to that.

That was a Saturday morning. I was practicing some new tantrums to throw upon papa for not going to school. But like everyday I failed to maintain the drift being at school where
Everything was alien to me except the break time. When I returned from the school "Tuka nani"(my childhood caretaker showed me the great discovery of her. Guess what? That was a bird. While that was carried out for the scrumptious meal of the vultures, it fallen over my roof. It was awful. But then again we both tried our best to make it alive. That was so numb. So soft to feel. Each time I was about to touch that, the squinted eyes would scare the hell out of that. Days went and with that my new friend started twittering. Gosh...What an amazing feeling! I ran, from house to house in my colony declaring about my friend. Everybody was so happy! But certainly the biggest fear of losing the bird creeps up into my mind. The next moment i went to the market with papa and bought a beautiful cage to put my dearest bird inside that. And i was visualizing the more days were passing the less was the twittering. The dazzle in her eyes was about to diminish.

I was asking my maid again and again why the bird was not twittering. But she was a dumb. And one day waking up in the afternoon i saw the cage was empty. All hell broke loose. Burning in anger i ran to "Tuka nani" charging her what she has done to the bird.
..."I LET IT GO TO FEEL THE FREEDOM”. She replied calmly. And then i was the dumb crying unnoticedly.There i was standing on the terrace, trying to hear the twittering beyond the horizon. And then i closed my eyes, tried to feel” how it feels...While my lost bird is flying in an open sky".

I'm missing my tuka nani and the bird who taught me "LOVE LIES IN LETTING IT FREE..."

CIRCLE OF LIFE

The post thought of a well-done-job which gives me an abstract feeling of joie de vivre and the ultimate sin, is something that completes me. Sounds unscrupulous. But that’s what my self-realisation.ADMIRE it or ABUSE it…I do not know how far it is going along with the conventional path. But that’s the feeling…the feel (one can call it visualization) of SALVATION.


Starting from the memorable past...be it the days of accolades/awards or be it the days of failures, there is a purified “happiness and obsession”. Purified obsession...Yeah.That it is. EUPHEMISM….I must tell you the days when I surrender to my failure accepting it and the same time smiling, congratulating at the victory of my opponents. And I (was and am) sure of it, that there was no ambiguity in those feelings (then and now).I did not find me guilty, when I was reassuring a friend of mine telling her about the skeleton version of those “A FEW GOOD PEOPLE”.I should not have said that I did not blame them. But I am saying,” Yes, I did.” Listen, I poisoned some out of you readers in front of a depressed friend of mine to get out of her some sin. And then again in the next morning when I saw her in the library corridor singing happily “Jeevan Maraa Nahi Karta Hai…”
….HOLD ON! This is the place where I got salvation in those (“Bitching and extolling…bad/good as we people call it”).I would like to say both are amazing. They make me reach the penultimate conscious level of a blank….the place where the soul desires/deserves/denies or feel nothing. It is like the distance between any two points on the perimeter of the circle which seems to be straight. And as the centre demands the point to be with it, it agrees with the radius.

The golden days of helping a blind to cross the road, to visit the orphanage just to spend some quality time, the street in the winter where me and my buddy used to go to see those cute puppies, the father in the church who used to teach us some morals and (then again the silly bickering, disrespect to seniors at some points, denying to accept my gurus seeing some silly mistakes in them, demoralizing anything important)…EVERYTHING…..THE GOOD and THE BAD, hold salvation in the moment, called the “TRANSIT PERIOD”. Call it milliseconds or microseconds of that realization where my consciousness was a constant irrespective of anything in the world. If I can collect those moments all together...I can be the enlightened diva. But then again I’m a variable going along with other variables making rounds and rounds on a circle aiming to be ended up at the point where I’ve started exactly. People bicker over comparing the quality and period of the radius without considering the centre. I am one of them. But I promise I will get it all free from awards and purgatorial sanctification after my death…!