Cause this is life

I was creeping some blogs today.Have had a splendid chance of watching the below video.It's Sunday.Something special about this time is: The day after the earth hour night of 2012 here.How did you feel a total hour of darkness? Feel good.My pinterest's stuffs.
The video I have watched umpteen times since morning:

The best quote of the time :

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

-Albert Einstein-

I am going out to explore the places around with the Soundtrack on my playlist: 

"Feel something right

And feel some good

Because if one thing works

You might know its true"

Somersault

Time:1:48:56 AM[Ubuntu time]

As mundane as it is.I ain't asleep yet.It's weekend ahead and moreover salary's been credited.I should be dreaming of shopping & lot more things to do.I am paused at the moment of somersault in office pool.Couple of pro friends there has started this and I am a total novice.How do I get in the shoes?I turned total upside down last time I tried doing.This time it's both head over heels and heels over the head.How it was so easy to do in childhood days.I and My Sis were so full of somersault.And now I just could not catch up.Well,I will have to get along soon.My head is so full of water and somersault-ing people.You've got mail is ON.And right now I am so dreamy about my somersault mission ahead.

Remember Harry Nilsson's The Puppy Song.Of course :)

"If only I could have a friend

to stick with me until the end
and walk[swim] along beside the sea 
share a bit of moon[Read it as: somersaulting] with me"

I miss what-not

Out of no where today I ended up wasting time.I guess I have been trying to do lots of things out of which studying is just a plan.That's it.No further improvements.God,I miss my college library so much.Long hours of study with some intelligent guy at the corner,studying as always.Here its just a bed I got to study at.No smell of new books around the corner.No smell of the pages I read again & again.I ain't gonna set my alarm until I find one library to read at.No point in waking up early and drooling there.Somebody get me this place please.

Zombie Man & Others

This post ain't about my love of the zombies.Believe me,I am not yet able to throw those emotions out while I talk about unreal-human-waking-up-from-grave-kind-of-zombie.No doubt they are fascinating.I can watch every million hollywood movies about them.But Zombieland.Dude,NO.Not cause rare appearances of zombies,but cause the zombie,Jesse Eisenberg.I just don't know how I managed to kill my boredom at times with movies like Adventureland,The squid & whale,bla bla.Rest I don't want to know.I mean really.He barely has just one form of speaking.That shrugs and that words emitting like light speed.So limited actor he is.There are some actors in spite of  movies like Social Network,Face off(Talking of which John Travolta comes to mind.Ew),As good as it gets(Jack Nicholson's some pieces bore the brain out of me).You just get to know one of their over-achieving movies and you finish of with some uber sceptic numbers.I mean who watch this Jim Carrey's unrealistic humour.He stretches everything so far I end up in denying it.Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind,guys forgive me for watching this.My soliloquy,there are some stars whose movies are supposed to be avoided(Add Justin Long,Johnny Depp,Joseph Gordon Levitt,Kevin spacey to the list.Special razzie award should go to Ben stiller.Big time.).And there is this flop numbers of some guy who though looks creepy are to be watched are Jason Bateman,Adam Sandler,Steve Carell.Talking of the rest some known ones they are God.
The God list with Features follows here:
1.Hugh Jackman(He is the God.)
2.Keanu Reeves(He is like this un-avoidable actor of all time.)
3.Tom Hanks(Features like funny things he depicts among his simplicity.)
4.Morgan Freeman(Voice speaks.I dream of his voice starting with "I hope..")
5.Christian Bale(Heart beats here)
6.Jake Gyllenhal(Reminds me of my everlasting first inspiring movie.October Sky.)
7.Brad Pitt,Leanardo DiCaprio,Nicolas Cage,Matt Damon(I watch these people on a sunday afternoon relaxing mood.)
8.Gerard Butler(His tilted smile and acting is appealing)
9.Clint Eastwood (Adorable time.)
10.Al Pacino.(You can consider him the answer to everything around your head.He's been the voice in my head at times after Morgan Freeman.)
11.Will Smith.(I request you to come up with as many movies you can come up with before I die)
12.I want to end the list with Tom Cruise,George Clooney,Bruce Willis,John Cusack(His realistic,fundamental tips I notebooked.).They are good.They are real good.

Enough of rating.I need some music on my soundtrack:

Mustn't Grumble

I just never wished it to be the ending.I so badly stepped forward for the last time,just to reconcile where do I stand.And there I was with an ignored/submissive reply.It's going no where.I have been getting cold feet since then.Sometimes in life when things have no way out,all you should know how to cease it or ignore it.FYI: I could never have ignored the voice which has been encouraging me every now and then,then.Hence it was up to ceased.How on earth two minds can be so stoppable from both the ends.I ain't all through.But through what?I am not quite sure what I am supposed to be through and as time's passing slowly,I may get to end slowly too.But the whole process of been through,feels like we are mutants.

You know that part of the story?During these days when one asks another "How was your day?".The other replies,"Mustn't grumble."

Extremely Loud,Incredibly Close,Carpe Momento.

On one fine night this week I watched Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close based on the book by Jonathan Safran Foer.It's been ages I was waiting for the movie to get released.Like it's the rarest where you will have the chance to watch two amazingly heart-winning-actors in a single movie.I so badly wanted another movie of Tom hanks after Larry Crowne.He's turned old,but every time he opens up,I remember "Life is a box of chocolates".And Sandy,I am like head over heels about her.And this time they introduced Oskar.

 Feeling my heart break for his heartbreak, and crying my eyes out over the love, the pain, the loss, the confusion and the beauty of this story.I totally had so high expectation and I believe it met it.And specially for a movie which made you cry is of course a 8.5 imdb rated one.

The thing that touched me the most about the movie, which is a slightly {and maybe surprisingly} less prevalent point in the book, is how short life is. 

Sometimes we wait too long to make our lives as beautiful as we want them to be. We put things first like work and money and responsibility, which are essential to surviving, but somehow not to living,and that's an important distinction.

And there lies the rub, doesn't it? We put so much off for the sake of work and money and our careers, so we can live in a house, eat food every night and put clothes on our backs, but when the swiftness of our final scene fades to black, there's always that feeling that those things didn't matter. They shouldn't have come first, and the contradictions are endless:

All that after-movie-voices inside my head CARPE DIEM ANXIETY.

How much carpe should my diem consist of? 

Well,I have no idea.

But, what I try to do and am constantly reminding myself to do, is to find a little joy in every day. Something small or simple to be absolutely in love over. 

Strolling on the roadside and looking around how people are busy,sending an appreciation mail and getting one,makes me pause for a minute to smile like a dork to myself, in the middle of my super busy day.

I hope it's enough.

I hope it always lasts.

I hope that when my time comes, I will look back at those little simple sweet moments, and feel like I lived a good life, a life I enjoyed and made the most of in whatever ways possible. 

Bob Dylan said "Time is a jet plane, it moves too fast".

So I think you have to find little ways of slowing down the blur, even if you can't always make big gestures every day, like skipping work or going on a 6 month vacation through your home town. You can still enjoy a talk over phone with your parents or a help to the lady nearby or a quiet night with a good movie that makes you cry like a baby. 

I can't deal with all this Carpe Diem. I prefer to Carpe Momento.Seize the moment, and make the very most of it.

“So many people enter and leave your life!  Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in!  But it also means you have to let them go!”

Hang on

Well,I am totally mixed these days.Mood swings.I mean for heaven's sake I ain't a teenager!One day I wake up saying good morning to all people with broad smileys and another day I just reply to them slowly.It happens to all,right? I mean,I am not categorizing myself,It's just that the things happening to me.So what happened last day is totally a low.Colony kids with whom I used to skate regularly once upon a time have turned into those Tourette syndrome affected kids,with like obscene remarks on every guy passing by their road.Where the innocence is?That lady who barged in every now and then to our place once upon a time,can't be so uber-inquisitive about everything.I mean,being claustrophobic about those bloke's life whom you just meet once a year ain't reasonable,right.It's just those people or it's me who's not able to draw the line.The last two days have been the days of hanging on.I am editorializing it.The perfect jazz on my track-list  is Pink Martini.

"Somebody told me, I don't know who

Whenever you are sad and blue

And you're feelin' all alone and left behind

Just take a look inside and you will find"

Gratitude

Bad things happen.They happen just let you feel that you exist.Life still exists.I am quoting those lines from zindagi na milegi dobara,

Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho.

Toh zinda ho tum!

Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum!

--------------------------

Jo apni aankhon mein hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum!

Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum!

All one need to have is holding the nerves and thinking beyond the mishaps and that feel of gratitude that,this is not the worst.One still has something saved up for further life.
Things that made me feel so today are,
1.I got to know that,I have lost my Grad main certificate since a long time,today morning.While arranging all documents I have had the consent of losing it.Suddenly I thought of running to the xerox shop I visited a month ago & there it was.It could have been worst.But I felt like been saved by somebody with just the bad.Bad ain't that worse at all.The thought of gratitude was there for that man at the shop who had been saving it for these days.
2.At office,there is this friend with whom while working on some issues,some conflicts came up.Situation got worse that we have not spoken since that day.I don't know why I did that today,but whatever happened,happened for good.He was passing by me to the cafeteria,and I un-thoughtfully smiled at him.And there it was.He smiled in return too.Somebody truly said, "Smile.Cause it costs nothing,but pays for everything." I felt like our distance has gone totally.Tomorrow I May try talking to him.It feels so relaxing when bunch of strained thoughts release slowly.The feel of gratitude follows here again.
3.There is my roomie,who has been a perfect shoulder to cry on.She's always been there for every single moments of ups & down in my life at here.Today she was all moon-faced.I've so badly been trying to know the reason behind it.I thought she could use some help.And at EOD,she told it.And how do you feel when you find arms around you,when the world diminishes! She totally passed out there.After a while,I saw things turning better.And as if everything's just great as it was before.There we were laughing at our thought process which at times turns things complicated.Like in a labyrinthine.
I can't stop myself quoting E E CUMMINGS,while it comes to gratitude.As I read the lines again & again,I feel heavenly on this mundane earth which has given us the gift like 'Problems',that keep us on the ground.

"I thank You God for most this amazing

day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(I who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth

day of life and love and wings: and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any-lifted from the no

of all nothing-human merely being

doubt unimaginably You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)"

- E. E. Cummings

The one track since the time I left office till now is "The heart of Life-John mayer".I know,the oldies again.

Do you end your day by saying,"I am thankful for today".Well,I am doing now. :)

Fireflies around me the whole day

Tiny things that made my day:
1.Running to Sec'bad station to meet my Bro,just for 10 minutes.He is leaving for Mumbai,like FOREVER.No more gifts in handy now.
2.That Lakme's new haircut,I loved.
3.The toothless-heartful-smile of 70-ish lady on the roadside when she got a some bucks from me.That face was there in my mind the whole day.It was so serene.
4.Aishwarya,slapping me tight to wake me up in the evening.That was hard.But one day I am gonna miss it lady :(
5.4 Naturals ice cream(Just to fill the void of ripen mangoes in summer yet,we preferred mango flavoured one) and series of stories of people and life,with Amrita on the staircase.I adore her thought process.
6.Maa's shared her secret plans with me :) She chose me over Papa after a long time.I feel special.
7.Amazing Sunday haat here.Buying almost all vegetables for the week.Hell of a place to let you feel,you have a home.
I am so dreamy about everything.Nothing much has changed since my childhood now I feel.It's all same fairy tale.Now that I am having this perspective,I must say out of my experience we must not kill the child in us.Let it live even though we all know life is hard.

"I believe in fairytales and dreamers dreams like bed sheet sails

And i believe in peter pan and miracles 

And anything i can to get by

And fireflies"

You didn't work at all

5:35:24 AM: I woke up just like that.No.I dreamt bad.Or how can I put this.I so badly wish it could be a dream.The mail's arrived.And so on with lots of questions.Prelude to my waking up thing I again dreamt for some 2 digit time You didn't work at all scene.It's just some closed chapter verse of past year's saga.I have been ignoring this since times and now the mail saying almost the same has arrived too.As if every damn thing around me has promised to mock me forever.To make me feel dejected till death.I feel lost again.But everybody's lost after twenties.What could have I done.I am not that super-duper-mega-mind who always beats the highest.I did my high this time.But time betrayed me and I was just like the ones to be rejected.Does anything/anybody out there think I still am capable of achieving success.Then I must say,I need you.I need you now.Remember,do you know what you want or are you merely passing the time while life passes you by,this particular line?I rarely can figure out all.So sick and tired of all.It's just ain't going to work out.Why do I have to think of it all anyway?Surely the weekend must not start like this.And now I feel kind of better now.I am going to sleep again.God,bless me please.

I must tune to John denver's Calypso now and get some sleep.Can't the Calypso come and inspire me  till I peace out.

Home calling

It's day 1,right after my last post.Not a single change in the feel.Lately I have been so homesick.I just hung up now,after 1 looong hour of talk with maa.I Miss my homeland's curvy street.I miss papa's morning wake up call.I can of course turn down my standard 8,first alarm clock.But avoiding papa's thunder knocking at the door sharp at 5.30am in the morning ain't possible.And now,here,everyday I miss him right around 11 am in the morning,waking up late,seeing my snoozed alarm and his average 5-6 missed call.I'm 24 and my papa has not given up on me.He still loves to wake me & my sis up with his continuous calls in the early morning.And when I call him back at the mid day,he is probably super busy in office.I ended up telling maa the story of sleepyheadness today. Sad.I so badly want to go home.It's summer time and thankfully my maa's school's having morning shift.I am happy that I can talk to her hours together.I miss terribly,those evenings when 4 of us clad in a single blanket and sharing one mug of boiled corns and catching up TV.

PS:This post is via my cell phone.I am in my office bus.Waiting for it to get started in couple of minutes.People around me are so busy in giggling,talking about random stuffs & issues of the days over coffee near by the bus bay.I Love this company job i am into.Not uber-strict at times.Gives us space.Did I thank God,for this amazing life(Thank you more please).Below is the soundtrack of 15 Hapuna Sunset(Hyderabad STC) Sunset-The descendants(I had a great time watching this),on my soundtrack.

To be 10 again

Now,is the time,when I want to be 10 again.I want to contemplate on absolutely nothing.In fact I don't want to evaluate life.Just the utter fulfillment with almost least accessories.I want to play in the rain.Mud games backyards with my sister and my papa saving the little trees.I want to laugh at the silliest jokes at the dinner with Maa,Papa & My sis.I want to run barefoot though the leafy green grass.

Ah,to be 10 again.To let loose temper for the school annual function.To be friends(but not just the cliques) who gave raincoats to the other.To jump rope,to hand ball,to pluck flowers in the early morning,giggling at the new  guy entered to school.To paddle home to maa's  homemade "Arisha Pitha".

To cartoon & clouds,endless adventure and curiosity.

To my lovely cousins,sisters,brothers.

To King,Queen & Thief game at the backyard.

To the star gazing during summer,sandwiched all,over the terrace.

To tree climbing and bone breaking.

To losing and winning,laughing and crying and to maa who made it all better with a kiss.

To be ten again.

Holocaust Survivor's Story

It's a compensating post,people.Have had enough of the chicken( Zing-kong box,Fiery Grilled & Any what.)..I hope you already missed my previous post on trials of turning into Vegan.Look,I even did not know I'd be having this post up my sleeves in future. This time I kind of pondering like what if I think of "pata-hai-tujhe,bhindi-barah-rupay-kilo-ho-gayi-hai-aur-gobi-dass-ki,loot-machi-hai-saray-desh-mai-Paneer-to-beta-kuch-dino-main-itti-itti-thailiyoun-mai-Sunaar-ki-dukan-pay-bikegi" stuffs!! Welp. No feel at all.Am I a zombie.Too much of rawr. I tinker. I tweak. I pull and I push.I have been working on it and suddenly this Sunday it fell apart.I have decided.No more.That's all.That's all I had.Big time.Big time.

I,Jazz,Owner of this blog,here by promise you,from the time 5.58pm,will be going under a 30 days of Vegan Life.

I so feel like a holocaust survivor now.Heard Bruce Springsteen Singing.Yep.

"These things that have comforted me, I drive away"

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen Mood

No movies enchants me now.No food.No thoughts.I am just so claustrophobic right now.I have "The Kings Speech" piled up.Some stuff to read.Dinner to have.But so not up to anything around.Somebody please please get me the torrent of "Salmon Fishing In The Yemen"..So dying to see Emily Blunt and the story is about something what I have had a chance since my childhood.Besides Papa's job as a "District Fishery Officer",I have always been to fishing and all about fishing.This just making me nuts that I still have to wait some couple of days more to watch this.Big Sigh..In the mean time i have watched this trailer some 20+ times.

Weekend's here :)

I Can Be Cantankerous..

Truly cantankerous.Sometimes you feel you can over-achieve everything.Like all around you is just so numb and you can be overtly stubborn to handle all.This kind of feel comes to me once in a while though.It's okay to be stubborn and mean sometimes.I saw the movie "Last Chance Harvey".I would rate it a 7.5.Why didn't I watch it before.Dustin Huffman & Emma Thompson both are amazing here.

Happy Feet

6 Band-aids a day.3 right on the left Achilles Tendon and 3 on the right Achilles Tendon.Been my everyday story.No wound.My vein works fine.Not to worry.This is just the story of prevention from shoe-bite of those old shoes.How does that sound!Why did I always end up in choosing the wrong shoes? It's like I have to buy Band-aids every time with the shoes even.Catwalk shoes? Rather than their occasional sale of 20% off,they should provide dozens of band-aids free.Question is: Who's gonna buy these weird pre-caution-full items.Of course I do.I have been doing this since a long time.No matter,how worst the shoe fits/how seriously I can get hurt/how oddly I walk(read it as limp)/how much I toil to roam around,I almost,ultimately end up buying them.My story turned a page today.I discovered the best shoe to wear,i bought this weekend.Yay. The very feel of new shoes on,when it really goes smoothly with your feet.My day changed.Probably after couple of days I forgot the band-aids :).Happy feet I am.Thankfully I got Paolo Nutini's perfect-time-soundtrack.

NEW SHOES

"Hey, I put some new shoes on,
And suddenly everything is right,
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,
It's so inviting,
Oh, short on money,
But long on time,
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,
And I'm running late,
And I don't need an excuse,
'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes."

I just wrote a letter

You have your piece of work which won't let you sleep before 4.30am.You can check out my previous post time.And sadly,pathetically you are forced to wake up at 6.30am in the morning and delude your total day at office with repeated yawning and wrong verse of your chats.Or may be couple of wrong forwarded mails to wrong recipients.How am i gonna rephrase this.Let me try here.


Dear Crazy Neighbor,
Today was not a good day to mess with me.I had not had my bus time to run for.I had so much thing going inside my head over which I finally went into a deep slumber.And then just cause of you,I had a feel the whole day that it was gonna burst.


I know that I am not the only one in the neighborhood to receive your special attention but that doesn't mean that I feel any less irritation with your need to come witness. I haven't any interest, need or desire to hear about your love for the lord.For which you have been screaming at the top of your voice "The Hanuman Chalisa",right down my window.


There is no saving my soul. Just accept that it is beyond help and repair and that if you insist on continuing I will set up an altar on your porch and slaughter an ox, a chicken, a duck, two goats and a lamb. It will be done all in the name of Satan and for good measure I will see that Ozzy Osbourne performs live, except we won't use the "I am giving a way a colonoscopy" man.
No ma'am I will ensure that I will find the guy that used to bite the heads off of bats.

You might be thinking this is super-religious and sacred way of waking up people,but you have actually pushed, prodded and poked me for the last time,for which the next time I may blast your tympanum with the above song.I might as well blast mine in the trial of this.Sometimes it's just not so naive to tell Mondays actually suck.

Yours 3rd Floored Resident(Can be more Evil than you)

Sreeji Apts.

3.09 AM

Definitely not a time to sleep.So much to do.So much to read.So much to write.So much to think.I always run out of time,in any work given to me.I wonder how my roomies sleep so easily.And here i am restless.Looking for numbers of stuffs.Still counting time before the sun wakes up.Soundtrack of the time is,

"Foggy little fella

Drowsy little dame

Two sleepy people by dawn's early light

And too much in love to say goodnight"

Provided here it's a single sleepy-head shoved her head in piles of stuffs.So much to get done with before i sleep.Thank you more please,God :)

Alice mood here.

Alice in Wonderland By Lewis Carroll

Evel Knievel Speed

A total week it was.Been into total routine life.When it hits,it hits you hard,you know that.I lived it & loved it.

The best scenes :

1.My .NET facilitator.God makes these people.A complete Wikipedia and so so generous.

2.WPF,WCF,Silverlight was good.And awesome was working on expression blend.It'd throw you into a new world if you have that designer's mind.

3.Morning Cafeteria talks with buddies.And what-not-datas around.

4.Evening swimming & diving stuffs.They really blew me off.

Tired body,mind.

It's ok that my Spondylitis started.My neck & My veins in leg hurt.But the time ain't a time if you ain't have no hurt.I was there,watching me and my friend in the mirror,and realize how mad we people are.Here are some freaky-ness unplugged.

1.Counting 1 mississippi.. and watching fellas and outside,hitting the swimming pool ground totally and adhering to it,is just make me nuts.I can be inside water all day.

2.I tend to code wrongly,Just to see what's gonna be the output.It's what enchants me a lot.

3.That spooky,lonely road where I & My roomie,have evening coffee with summer wind,I sing out loud this song...

"You stumble down a yellow brick road

Spinning your shoes in the air

The air

Then you, hold your breath and count to nine

Hoping that soon somebody will find you

Find you"

It's Ok :)